22 Days Later...

It all seemed new... it all seemed fresh.

Memories of her, lying on that old hospital bed kept on playing in my mind continuously each time I sat down on the praying mat, at home or at the office or anywhere for that matter.

Thinking about her ruffled and reddish skin during her last few days, would only make me feel sad and disparage. Not much could have been done to save her or at least to prolong her survival during her last few breaths. Not much could have been given in terms of our effort alone except to provide her with more warmth and comfort during her morbid and melancholic period at the Geriatric Ward of the University Hospital, Petaling Jaya.

I could recall my Papa's visit to the ward almost non-stop daily, and that was almost instantaneously followed suit by my siblings practically day in and day out. Ward 1344 was like a second home to all of us, especially Papa. Even the ever so celebratory Hari Raya Aidiladha was commemorated in a rather gloomy fashion together with the Nurses and Doctors on call.

And New Year, once again, became a poignant and heartwrenching moment for us all, as it passed us by like a gentle reminder that we have all had our funs during the year, hence, we should all learn to accept a tragedy or two towards the closing of the calendar. New Year was not just a turning over of a new leaf, but like the previous years, a solemn juncture with quiet sobriety.


Yesterday, was the mother of all other days.

Yesterday, my heart felt her loss in a tremendous wave of fashion. A tumultuous and painful feeling that I had to endeavour, leaving afloat a smiling face on the surface so as to hide the true emotions beneath.

Yesterday, her loss was a tragic commotion to me. Her facial expressions lingered on and on. And the memory of her last gasp brought tears down my cheeks, for I was immediately next to her when the doctor and nurses checked her pulse. And for the first time ever since she passed away, I cried in full. The one and only time that I could probably feel that her loss was a tremendous tragedy for me to bear in times of need...

A loss is a loss... All that is left are sour grapes and ashes...